Brownies, you're the BOMB!

I don't need much of an excuse to bake.

Any of these reasons would do:

• Mr. Cranky-Pants birthday
• Kristi's birthday
• Lindsay's birthday
• Mr. Cranky-Pants visit to Portland (and he insists that I bake him something every. single. time. he visits.)
• and because of this...

Trader Joe's is now selling crack, er... Speculoos Cookie Butter. 

Since all of the above reasons happened within two weeks time, it wasn't just a good excuse to bake, it was a necessity - and it needed to be over the top good. I have been holding on to this recipe, waiting for a good time to pull it out and drop this sugar bomb. This was it!

A gal at Bible study bought these one week and they were unreal! I'm not sure what she called them, but I have dubbed them "Brownie Bombs" because they are deceptively heavy and fall with a thud, because they cause an explosion on your taste buds, and it feels like a bomb went off in your belly after eating one. A very tasty sugary bomb. 

Start with these essentials:

Okay, those who know me, will understand that I tend to tinker and rarely follow a recipe exactly as written. It's that rebellious spirit in me. So let me state up-front that it would be easier to buy a box brownie mix and fix it according to the package directions. And the original ones I based this on used creamy peanut butter instead of Cookie Butter. But, c'mon! Why? WHY? Why would you use peanut butter when God created Cookie Butter?!?!

Ingredients:

Brownies:

1 box of chocolate flavored cake mix (such as Devil's Food Cake, Dark Chocolate, etc.)

2 eggs

1 stick of butter (1/2 cup), very soft

1/4 cup of dark brown sugar

1/4 unsweetened cocoa powder

1/2 cup of water

2 teaspoons of vanilla extract

1/2 teaspoon of sea salt

Also needed...

- 1 1/2 boxes of chocolate sandwich cookies (I recommend Trader Joe's Joe-Joe's, or Whole Foods 365 sandwich cremes, but not the national brand that comes in the blue box.)

-1 jar of Speculoos Cookie Butter (or peanut butter, but not the natural kind like Adam's brand)

Optional toppings...

Trader Joe's "Way More Chocolate Chips Cookies"

Ganache:

8 ounces of semi-sweet chocolate

1/2 cup of heavy cream

1/2 packet of Starbucks Via instant coffee powder

Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 350°

Add the cake mix and butter to an electric stand mixer (or a large bowl and use a hand mixer) and combine slightly, add in all of the remaining ingredients and mix for a couple minutes. It will be a very thick batter. Because of the fluffy thickness, again, it may be easier to mix up a regular brownie mix that is a bit runnier. But, I made a couple just brownie cupcakes (because I ran out of cookie butter. GASP! The horror!!) and they were pretty much the best brownie I've had in a long time. Just make the cake mix brownie batter. And if you are wondering why I made brownies using a cake mix, well... I'm trying to use up my stash of unhealthy food and get it out of my house. 

Set the brownie batter aside.

Next

Take two (yes, 2. 1,2, do-si-dos) of the sandwich cookies. Smear one with a big dollop of cookie butter and sandwich it together with the second cookie. Like this...

YUMMY!!

Drop this into a cupcake liner in a muffin pan.

An alternative, if you are not using the nasty chemical blue box kind, is to twist a sandwich cookie apart and spread the inside with cookie butter and only use the one cookie. I tried lots of variations. Several variations on cookie to butter ratio, and methods of application, and various baking times. Each batch looked a little different.

Now...

Cover each cookie with brownie batter. One of the variations I tried was putting a scoop of brownie batter into the cup and pushed the cookie sandwich down into it - that didn't work quite as well. If it had been regular (read, runny) brownie batter, it might have been better. I was trying to get the brownie to encase the sandwich better. If you find a way that works, let me know.

Bake for somewhere between 18-24 minutes. (Sorry, you'll have to figure it out exactly.) 

While the brownie bombs are cooling, mix up the ganache by adding all the ingredients into a microwave safe bowl or to a double boiler. In the microwave, heat in 20 second increments, stirring in-between until it is smooth. Spread a spoonful of the ganache on top of the cupcake and top with a "Way More Chocolate Chips Cookie." 

You'll end up with this...

It is very nice!!

Wondering what it looks like on the inside? Are you prepared for this? These really are the bomb-diggity-dot-com best brownies.

Oh, yeah! You can thank me now - and later. 

Five-Minute Friday: {Dance}

I remember going to the Lakewood Center for the Arts at the tender age of 8, maybe it was 7, for ballet classes. It was a love/hate relationship. I wanted to feel pretty. I wanted to have ballet slippers - the kind with the pink satin ribbon that would wrap around your ankle and up your calf, criss-crossing until tied off in a quick knot. But I distinctly remember not liking the teacher. Or the fact that every other week someone new joined the class and we seemed to start all over again. I was already keenly aware that I was big. Too big. And not graceful. I was already self-conscious and wanting to hide. My mother had made a deal with me that if I stayed in the class for a month (or was it three?), then she would open a savings account in my name and put $10 dollars in it for me. That seemed like a fortune and I patiently served my time in ballet class and the moment my sentence was up, I quit the class.
The ironic thing is, thirty-ish years later, I've gone back to dance and ballet class. I'm still not graceful. I'm still aware that I am 'bigger.' But it doesn't bother so much anymore. Instead I love the way it feels to move my body in the rhythmic flow and the way I can express myself without words, interpreting music with movement. In dance I have found another language - a heart language that I wish I had found years earlier. Like maybe thirty years earlier.

(A writing exercise from Lisa-Jo Baker, Five-Minute Friday)

Inky-Dinky-Do

Hello All,

How are you doing this Friday? True confession time: I have a fantasy of someday getting a tattoo. I doubt I’ll ever have the gumption to permanently mark my body with something for life, but I like to pretend that one day I will. And when that day comes, I want to be prepared with a design, something that represents me, says something about who I am, that will be true forever, and ever, amen! As I was dinking around on Pinterest last night I had the idea to type “tattoo” and “ink” into the search bar to see if I would get inspired enough to commit to something. Instead I questioned why I want to join a club of such freaky weird people. (C’mon – there are some frightening and bizarre tattoos out there!)

I looked through the images and thought, well… the time I’ve spent in central/eastern Europe has instilled a fondness for matrushkas. Apparently this girl really likes them too.

 I think I’ll stick with my lil’ pot holders that are mostly non-functional but so cute that I leave them on the counter (and use them as  trivets).

And as y’all know my favorite pastime is kitchen chemistry. I’ve been known to call my professional KitchenAid by the name “My Precious.”  While I am in awe of the artists ability to create the reflective surface, this may be a bit over the top for me. 

 Maybe I should just stick to the basics.

I have a severe case of wanderlust, and want to travel the world. How about getting the globe outlined on my feet? Oh, that’s been done. But I could have each state/country that I visit filled in and slowly color in the map and show where my feet have walked! But then my shoes would clash – that won’t do!

I am rarely without a camera. If I got a tattoo of a camera then I really would never, ever be without one – not that an inked one would be all that helpful.

I readily admit that I have a drinking problem. That’s not changing.

Coffee or tea??

One lump or two??

If an 8.0 earthquake hit, my home would stand strong – held up by books alone.

I like Animal! J (What girl doesn’t have a soft spot for the bad boy drummer??) J

This was the best find of the night!! In my perusing, I even found a photo of Eric's tatted up arm. Nice, dude! (For those who don't know, Eric is one of my co-workers who is constantly razzed about having squirrel slaves that power his house, which is in boon-dock New Hampshire.)

I just found this really funny. J

Well… I’m not inspired just yet. I guess the hunt for the perfect tattoo continues. 

Party Cookies

Opening up my email on afternoon several weeks ago, I was greeted with a reminder for an event the next evening; an event to which I was supposed to bring a dessert. It would be so helpful if I had put that on my calendar. Alas, I needed a quick and easy treat, to give myself an extra challenge I wanted to use as many ingredients that I had on hand as possible. I turned to my favorite web-source of recipes: Pinterest. The weather is turning relatively warmer and chocolate seemed too heavy. I knew I had a package of funfetti cake mix in my cupboard, then I found a recipe for cake batter cookies, and with that I had a plan...

Lemony Funfetti Party Cookies!

Here is what you'll need:

1 - box of Funfetti cake mix

1 cup - white chocolate chips

1/2 cup - plain yogurt

2 - eggs

1 - lemon, zest & juice

1 teaspoon - vanilla extract

1/2 teaspoon - lemon extract

dash of salt

Mix

Scoop

Bake 10-12 minutes at 350°

Like I said, I needed something quick and easy and that was a selling point on this recipe. Basically, you dump everything into one bowl and stir it up until just mixed. The dough was really sticky and stiff which made scooping it out a little challenging, I think this was due to replacing the oil with yogurt. I made the substitution to make it a smidge 'healthier' and in hopes of adding some extra tang.

Simply scoop the batter onto a cookie sheet lined with a Silpat®
Bake them for 10-12 minutes at 350°; they won't change color much, just a little tan on top, so be careful not to over bake them. 

I made mostly popper size cookiettes, but I also made a few bigger "regular" size cookies. Straight out of the oven (with a little time to cool) I think the bigger ones tasted better. Yet, the smaller ones tasted very good and even better the next day. 

Yummers! Tangy, zingy, lemony, creamy & happy cookies! 

Hard Days Are Fighting Days

Some days are just hard.
It's still dark outside but the bladder will let you sleep no longer. Throwing back the blankets with annoyance, you take care of business without really opening your eyes. Wiggling back under the covers, sleep is just about to fully take hold again... and the alarm goes off. Hitting snooze leads to an arm being flung over the side of the bed - and staying there, until it starts to tingle, go numb, and the cold exposed skin wakes you too much to be ignored. Tucking the stray arm back under the covers, sleep starts to grab hold of you again. While not really awake, you rationalize that if you are this tired, you need the sleep and should maybe skip the gym just this one morning. Resetting the alarm, snuggling in for one more hour of shut-eye, suddenly you are wide awake. With a loud sigh of exasperation you throw the covers back once more, swinging legs over the side; today will not be the day to skip the gym.

It feels good to move the body, get the blood flowing, see the sweat dripping; better than sleeping one more restless hour. But the dalliance with the alarm has put your schedule off and now you are running late. While you make it in time for the train, it required bringing your make-up bag with you to apply it while riding along to work.

Stepping off the train early, choosing to walk the rest of the way to the office, it seems like it may rain making the choice questionable. An odd mix of people are passing by on the sidewalks first thing in the morning in downtown Portland. It's the crazy homeless man that spits loud and profusely on the sidewalk along Powell's Books that grabs your attention, not so much because of his looks, smell, behavior, or spitting - but because you caught yourself walking to the far side of the curb away from him. "What ugly, unloving behavior! He isn't so different than the residents at the hotel you minister at." you chide yourself with such remonstrations. And out of the blue you hear, "He's crazy, he'd probably ask you out too since it's only crazy people that have an interest in you. Well, the crazy, and the social awkward, or the scoundrel who absconded with more of you than he should have." Suddenly you are judging every man that crosses your path, many who can be 'interesting' in Old Town. But there are those few who are dressed for work, who took some care about their appearance, and don't seem to be crazy in the least; and as you check those things off, the whiny voice asks, "Why can't someone like that ask me out? What's wrong with me that only creepy Chris is interested in me?" With the tailspin starting, the ache of loneliness scourges out your insides leaving you achingly hollow. Is it the wind or the pit on the inside causing your eyes to water? No matter, they both sting. The mind wanders, back to memories with the scoundrel, and longing stirs into the mix. Not so much for the scoundrel himself, but for the connection, the togetherness and sharing of life. Walking down memory lane leads nowhere good, so you put a halt to the amble with a road sign that reads, "He REJECTED you!" Painful, but effective. Also effective at creating an opening for evil to lob their familiar arsenal:
You are unwanted!
You are unlovable!
You are defective!
You are utterly alone!
You have been forgotten by God!

Under this heavy unrelenting barrage, you buzz yourself through the front door of the office, but walls and structure provide no protection from this kind of attack. The ride in the elevator to the 7th floor is agonizing, as you want to seek refuge under the covers that were so comforting only four hours ago, you just want to hide and wallow.

Starting everything up, while programs boot, you start to get caught up on the blogosphere.
And you read this post:
The King is Enthralled By Your Beauty

Those bombs that have been exploding in your heart start to fizzle as truth starts to break through the smoke and ash.
You are loved!
You are delighted in!
You are thought beautiful!

And if you were still doubting, this blog post shows up:
beautiful you
Another cleansing sweep of Truth washes over the battlefield of your heart, reminding you that you are indeed loved, seen, known, and thought beautiful by the almighty King of kings who is always with you. He cares so much that He orchestrated two posts, using the same verse, to send His message.


Some days are hard.
Some days you just need to fight a little harder.
Fight for truth. Fight for love. Fight for healing.
And be generous with mercy and grace.

Learning to be loved by my Creator, allowing myself to be loved by myself and others, accepting that I am loved and lovable is hard work for me. I need constant reminders. On those morning walks from Jeld-Wen field to the office I keep my eye out for hearts, love notes from God to remind me on my way of whose heart I belong to and where I am kept tight.

"Hearts Abound"

Patrick commands it!

I have been given the opportunity to work from home on a regular basis. I can choose a couple days a week, and I'm struggling. Do I really want two days, or is one enough? Oddly enough, I actually like being in the office. With co-workers like Patrick, the day goes by much more entertainingly.

Patrick [2:36 PM]:

Ok, well I will continue to work on this list. I will cc you on my response to the Test team. It will include the items that are retired that will need to be removed

Jennifer [2:37 PM]:

perfect. thank you.

Patrick [2:39 PM]:

Can you come down here

Patrick [2:39 PM]:

Ro and Jay want to yell at you

Patrick [2:39 PM]:

in a nice way

Patrick [2:39 PM]:

with love and candy

Jennifer [2:39 PM]:

what!? no way! if they want to yell at me they can come up.

Patrick [2:40 PM]:

they want to talk to you about something and they want me to chime in about stuff

Patrick [2:40 PM]:

so they would like you come down

Jennifer [2:40 PM]:

what's the magic word?

Patrick [2:40 PM]:

You are great?

Patrick [2:40 PM]:

You are the best?

Patrick [2:40 PM]:

Flattery will get me everywhere?

Jennifer [2:40 PM]:

(it starts with a "P")

Patrick [2:40 PM]:

Patrick!

Patrick [2:40 PM]:

Patrick commands it!

Patrick [2:41 PM]:

Is that what you were looking for?

Jennifer [2:41 PM]:

so close, and yet so very far away

Patrick [2:41 PM]:

Please

Jennifer [2:41 PM]:

Oh, okay! Just one lil' moment.

Patrick [2:41 PM]:

ok, thank you

Getting Right

It is May, April slipped by with a solitary post that only taunted you with the promise of more to come in the month. A broken promise. When the words wouldn't come, the sentences more fragmented than usual, the desire to write all but entirely absent - that is when I finally knew, I was heart sick. My soul in need of some serious TLC. My heart needing balm to heal.

On the outside I looked fine. I kept "keeping on" out of sheer necessity, projects at work didn't give me an option. If I allowed myself to open up and enter in to the mess, it meant I wouldn't be able to function. So I numbed myself. I buried myself in work. I obsessively read "The Hunger Games" trilogy. I watched TV and movies. I hit the gym with more frequency. I shopped. I ate. I drank (and not just copious amounts of coffee). Feeling and processing wasn't allowed, strictly verboten. Occasionally my heart wandered when the numbing started to wear off, but it only brought tears, incapacitating sorrow, unbridled anger. I didn't know - and still don't - how to delve into the muck while functioning in life. The only thing I knew to do was shut down and ignore my heart. It is awfully hard to write from the heart, about living a life of faith, learning how to live whole-heartedly, if you are silencing it.

But this can only go on for so long. I felt the fissures in my facade creeping, making their way to critical joints, the wall separating my heart from my head was about to crack. It made me nervous. Thankfully, it was also about this time that I finished my part in a major project at work. No one was waiting on me to finish something before they could start their work; I was no longer a roadblock for others. Enough time had passed since March's escapades that some vacation hours had accumulated in my time-off bank again. This meant - I could escape!! A couple weeks ago, I took an afternoon off from work and found the brackish balm that I so sorely needed. Pulling out of my driveway a few minutes after noon, I drove straight to Sleepy Monk Coffee in Cannon Beach. (It really is the best coffee and worth the drive just to pick up a bag of beans.) After stashing my bag of beans in the car, I walked across the street and found the sand and surf and started walking south. And kept walking south. Then went a little further. Finally, I had to stop as I didn't want to go for a swim to get around the bend to Hug Point Park. Most of the way I was alone, not another person in sight up or down the coastline; just me and God, walking and talking. Pouring my heart out, needing Him to show up and care for it, to rescue me, and remind me just who I am.

And God did show up.
As I pronounced myself wretched, sinful, rebellious, and unworthy of love, Jesus said, 'No. You are redeemed, forgiven, and not only worthy of love, but you are loved.'


Presenting the 'evidence' of my single, solitary, lonely aloneness as proof of my unloveableness. God refutes me, and reminds me that I am loved. Deeply. Beyond measure. And I am not alone, not ever, that I am part of a much larger family. A community that loves me, if I would allow them.


Ranting and whining about recent events of the past six months, questioning God's goodness, wanting to know why I am being punished. The Lord, with gentle loving kindness reproofs me, 'I am good. I am the giver of all good things. I lavish you with my goodness. Don't confuse punishment with living in a fallen world.'

I have never, ever found even one whole sand dollar on the beach. I brought home over 20!

Nearing the turn to get back to my car, just when I start to question am I totally crazy for believing God would talk to me, talk to my heart, had I made it all up? He sends one more reminder.


I am understanding the verse in Philippians 2:11 so much more that says "...continue to work out your salvation..."  It's all a process. We are all in process. My afternoon and evening at the beach did a world of good for me. I physically feel lighter, as though burdens were literally taken off my shoulders, words are starting to trickle back in to my mind and are being turned over in my heart, forming into phrases. I'm getting back to right, but it's a new right as God is moving, changing, renewing me. It's a process. I'm a process. I hope to get back to posting regularly soon, and share some of my process with you, but if it seems slow, please be patient and kind - I'm in process... just like you. 

Salty Sea

I want to run away.
Run to the edge of the world,
Where sea and sand meet.
To hear the pounding surf,
taste it's salty wisps.
While salty tears streak down my cheeks,
have it pound out the voices in my head:
*you are forgotten
*you aren't worth the bother
*you are unlovable
*you are too much
*you are totally alone

Sometimes God's voice is like a gentle whispering breeze;
other times like a thunderous roar.
I want to run away, to the place where sea and sand meet,
listen to the mighty thunder of the ocean tumble,
and hear within its tumult God speaking "Not true." over and over again until the voices in my head are pounded out.
Not True.
-You are my beloved
Not True.
-You are worth more than the most costly jewels.
Not True.
-I am always with you.
Not True.
-You are wonderfully created by me.
Not True.
-I moved heaven and earth for you.

I want to run away to the place where sea and sand meet, to cry salty tears until I melt into a pool, a pool that is swept up into the sea, becoming one.

Houdini Lessons

February obviously has been studying with Houdini. How else could it have pulled off such an amazing disappearing act? March is trying to follow suit and escape before I notice it is here by creating diversionary tactics. "Snow in March? Surely not! It must still be February." I have a hunch it is going to escape as well before I can catch it. But it isn't like I have been sitting idly by while two whole months have passed. Their ease in escaping was assisted by my frenzy of activity. April will not be so lucky, I already have blog plans for the month. In fact, I'll give you a sneak peek. Here are some working titles of upcoming posts:

• Holley Gerth's "Your're Already Amazing" review + giveaway
• Sensuality of the Single Christian gal
• God's Masterpiece Looks Like a Jackson Pollack Painting
• Choosing to be the Prodigal Daughter

Do I have your interest?  I promise to catch up to April and not let it escape, so come back over the next few weeks.

To prove that I wasn't being a sluggard, and had quite a bit of fun while the days zipped by, here is what I have been up to over the past few months.

The end of February brought The Justice Conference (which required a heap of prep work for the Micah booth) and a visitor from Honduras, the beloved Marvin Morazan.

Marvin was able to stay for a week and we had a ton of fun, including going up to Government Camp to play in the snow on Mt. Hood. It was the very first time Marvin was able to play in the snow. He had been wishing to make a snow angel for 12 years. And I was there and helped make his dream come true. It goes down as one of the best days EVER in my whole entire life!! And I am not exaggerating. 

The tail end of Marvin's visit overlapped (see! I wasn't lying about being busy!) with the 2nd ACT Journey retreat. After all the craziness of getting ready for the conference, attending the conference, entertaining and shuttling Marvin around, it was wonderful to find a spot of rest.

The Dream Giver's Inn is in the lovely Yamhill valley. This photo was taken from the (almost) six mile loop that I like to walk when I'm there. There is another picture from Sunday morning that I wanted to post, but it was taken with my big camera and I seem to have misplaced my card reader. Maybe by now you're believing me that I've been busy and not concerned enough to take the time to find it; which is a pity because I have some fantastic photos of my brother that I want from the same memory card for blackmail purposes. 

A few days after the retreat (3 days to be precise, because I wouldn't want to let any moss grow under me) I flew to Colorado with my mom to spend four days with my brother, his fiancée, and her family. We went with them to their wedding planning appointments, including a tasting at The Sanctuary, where they will be married, an amazing location, and best of all - cake tasting! There was also a bridal shower for Amy with a "Mad Men" / 50's housewife theme. It was so much fun, especially the apron fashion show. I really like my new sister! (And not that you would ever know it from this photo, but I had been using self-tanner on my legs in anticipation of having bare legs for the party. My legs really could have been whiter!)

Coming home from Colorado landed me straight into a crazy hot sticky mess at work as we try to figure out work-arounds for our old software systems to create new tests. Ugh! Since I had become so accustomed to not being home on the weekends, I spent the next Saturday at the Selah conference at George Fox, my ol' stomping grounds. Just in the nick of time, last Saturday I squeezed in a 5k race - the Sellwood Scamper - to keep on track with my goal of doing a race every month of the year. Considering the junk I was eating and the lack of sleep the week before, I'm somewhat impressed that I was able to run most of it and post a decent time. For April, I'm getting the race business out of the way immediately with the Race for the Roses on April 1st. 

Phew! I'm tired just remembering it all, no wonder the bags under my eyes have bags of their own! February and March also brought with it some very fun tickets. Mom and I went to the Blazer vs. Nugget game (our Christmas gift from brother), 'A Tribute to Benny Goodman' concert with the Oregon Symphony, and best of all "Wicked!" Oh, my good gravy, I LOVE this show! I have declared it my second most favoritest musical ever. It doesn't quite trump "Les Miserable" but it sure is close. There was also the hair trauma in early February, which is no longer traumatic. And then there were two weeks spent in a whirlwind obsession with my Kindle as I devoured "The Hunger Games" trilogy. Life wasn't all rosy. Not by a long shot. My fixation with reading was driven just as much from the need to escape real life and numb myself, even if only for a little while, just long enough to get through the day, to the heart ache that threatened to spill out from my eyes at any given moment, as it was from the engaging adventure of Katniss and Peeta. 

Yes, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller

Chubby Hubby Reinvention - Take #2

I got my baking groove on over the holidays and made some great treats. For Christmas I made one of my favorite desserts- chocolate bread pudding using panettone for the bread. It is beyond decadent! For dad's birthday (known to the rest of the world as New Year's Eve) we celebrated with peppermint chocolate cheesecake bars, a recipe I found courtesy of Pinterest, my obsession is paying off with very tasty treats. Then there were the neighbor goodie bags filled with puppy chow/muddy buddies/monkey munch - let it be known that by whatever name you call it -  I make the best, spritz cookies, homemade peppermint marshmallows, and candy cane hearts. And it wouldn't be Christmas without maple pecan sticky buns. No wonder I gained weight over the holidays, even though I gave most if it away. But the new year has started, I am setting the goal that I will get to a healthy weight this year with Project: {me}, I have teenage boys to keep up with after all, so it's not really an option. Yet it was hard to get back on track with healthy eating after so much indulgence. Not helping in the efforts was the leftover ingredients hanging out in my pantry and fridge. (Cream cheese makes my diet brownies taste so much better!) The only thing to do was make one last epic dessert using all the leftovers. I took stock of what was on hand, particularly those items that are a weakness and/or couldn't be stored in my garage pantry long term, out of sight and out of mind. I wanted to avoid buying any more ingredients to complete a recipe, the point was to get rid of things. I came up with this list: cream cheese, peanut butter, eggs, pretzels, chocolate chips. It was really just the eggs and the cream cheese I needed to get rid of, the pretzels are not a temptation but they would go stale, and then I'd just throw them out, and that is just wasteful when they could be made into something yummy.


Pondering that list and knowing the other things I had on hand I started thinking about a new reinvention of chubby hubby. This time instead of a cookie base, what about mainly cheesecake... mmm... peanut butter cheesecake, that's an excellent starting point. I delved back into Pinterest world to help me shape my idea. This is what I came up with: Peanut Butter Pretzel Cheesecake bars.  Will you allow me to brag for just a moment? These things are amazingly

scrump-dilly-icious!! 

I took the pan to work and they got rave reviews, it was a major hit with the guys, especially in the media department. The pan was empty before the end of the day, always a good sign.

Want to try them for yourself? Here is what you need.

Equipment: A stand mixer with the whisk attachment and food processor with  the metal blade.

Ingredients:
Crust-
2 packets of grahamies (or graham crackers to a normal person)
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon salt
2 handfuls of mini-twist pretzels
1 stick (8 tablespoons) of butter, melted

Filling-
1 cup brown sugar (packed)
2 blocks of cream cheese (room temperature)
1 cup peanut butter (creamy will work best, and not the natural kind)
1/3 cup half n' half
4 eggs (room temperature)
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoon cinnamon

Topping-
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
4 tablespoons of butter
2 tablespoons of half n' half
3 ounces of crushed peanuts
2 handfuls of mini-twist pretzels, broken into pieces

Directions:
For the crust: In the bowl of the food processor, put in all the 'crust' ingredients except the butter. Turn it on and let it do its thing until the graham crackers and pretzels are obliterated into a sand like consistency. With the machine running, slowly pour in the melted butter through the feed tube. I would suggest doing it in two batches, stopping the machine in-between and scraping down the sides. After all the butter is added let it run a little longer to make sure it is all mixed together well. Once it seems mixed and about the consistency of damp sand and will clump together, dump it into a 9x13 baking pan, patting it into a nice even layer along the bottom. Bake it at 350° for 12 minutes. Take it out of the oven and let it cool while you whip up the rest of the dessert.

For the filling: In the bowl of the stand mixer add the brown sugar, cream cheese and peanut butter. You might want to give it a bit of a start on the mixing with arm and spatula as the cream cheese and peanut butter are kind of thick at first. Once it is blended together add the rest of the ingredients and mix until it is well mixed and a little foamy. Remember to periodically stop the mixer and scrape down the sides. When it looks ready, pour it over the crust. Bake at 350° for approximately 25-30 minutes - until the middle only sorta jiggles a little when the pan is wiggled. Let it cool before putting the topping on.

For the topping: In a microwave safe bowl, preferably glass or ceramic (I'm convinced plastic adds an odd flavor), add the chocolate chips, butter, and half n' half. Microwave for 30 seconds and then stir really well. Microwave in 10 second intervals until melted, smooth, and combined. Spread it over the top of the cooled cheesecake, moving quickly, while it is still warm press broken pretzel and peanut pieces into the chocolate.

ta-da!!

Chubby Hubby inspired Peanut Butter Cheesecake Bars!

(Notes: I used half n' half because that is what I had, but if I were making this again I would use sour cream in the cheesecake filling for a little more twang, maybe upping it to 1/2 a cup. The batter had a strong punch, but once cooked it was rather mellow. Also, the topping could have been better using heavy cream instead of the half and half, and a little more of it at that.)

Chubby Hubby Reinvention - Take #1

I have a slight addiction to Pinterest. And to food blogs. It's a dangerous combination, especially when a favorite co-worker is having a birthday. Jon's birthday was early December. I had a little giftie for him already, it had been purchased at a sale two months earlier. But it is expected by my co-workers to bring in baked goods on birthdays, at least those who have a earned special favor with me. If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you know Jon has curried much favor with me, which meant I needed to pull out the big guns and come up with something amazing.
I started regularly checking the food category on Pinterest and carefully considering each dessert recipe that popped up the various food blogs that I follow. What was going to be the winning idea? I found inspiration in a post from Brown Eyed Baker for Chubby Hubby Truffles.

Source: browneyedbaker.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

As amazing as they sounded, it was too much work and effort to make truffles for a crowd at work, even if it was for Jon. But it got me to thinking... what about a peanut butter pretzel cookie? After looking at scads of recipes for peanut butter cookies, blondies, peanut butter blondies, chocolate peanut butter cookies, peanut butter brownies, I came up with this: Jon's Birthday Chubby-Hubby Brownie-Cookie bar.
I collected ingredients from my pantry and with an idea in mind, got to work.

The Supplies

I made a standard brownie box mix adding a little coffee grounds (maybe about a tablespoon) to the mix. I believe coffee and chocolate are the nectar of life, and as such deserve to always be paired together. I poured it into a lasagna pan which is a little bigger than your standard 9x13 and set it aside.

Next came the cookie part. I started with a basic peanut butter cookie recipe from Cook's Illustrated, my go-to source for all things food and kitchen related. But I don't follow directions well, and tweaked the recipe a bit. I used 1/2 a cup of White Chocolate Peanut Butter, which I had on hand because Brown Eye Baker had raved about it and when I saw it at Target it magically jumped into my cart, and 1/2 a cup of crunchy peanut butter - because that is what I had. The recipe called for actual peanuts (crazy! a peanut butter cookie with peanuts?!) but since I don't like them unless in butter form I didn't have any and left that ingredient out. I then actually followed the directions, until it came to the add-ins. I precisely measured and added by the handful semi-sweet chocolate chips (about 1 cup), peanut butter chips (maybe 1/2 cup), butterscotch chips (a generous 1/4 cup), and broken up pretzel bits (close to 1 cup). Turn the machine on and let it do the hard work of incorporating all of that chippy goodness into the dough.

The dough ended up being really stiff. There was no way I was going to be able to spread it over the brownie base like I had intended, especially as the brownie batter was rather runny. Hm... what to do. Scoop it!

I ended up scooping out the cookie dough, covering the brownie batter filling in gaps here and there. It was time consuming and my hand hurt by the time I was done. Next time, if there is a next time, I'd reverse the two layers. Put the cookie dough on the bottom, patting it into place to cover the whole pan, then top with brownie batter. Oh... then maybe when it's done, it could be frosted... with peanut butter buttercream, or caramel buttercream, and dusted with pretzel bits... I think there will be a next time.

Okay, back to this baking venture. Once the cookie dough was more or less covering the brownie mix, I dropped spoonfuls of caramel sauce all over the top. It was another, 'Hey, I have this in the fridge from this other event, let's add it in!' But I think Kraft caramel squares, maybe cut in half or quarters, would work better, sprinkled over the brownie layer. Next time.

I wasn't sure how long to bake it, so I went with the brownie instructions since they had a longer time, adding 10 minutes to account for the extra thickness. It still needed a few more minutes, but then it went too long. When it came out of the oven the cookie part was a bit dark, maybe a little overdone, for my liking (another reason to reverse the layers).

Ta-da!! Doesn't it look scrumptious? (If not a little overly yellow because of the film+lens combo in Hipstamatic.)

I would show you a cut view, but I forgot to take one... and it didn't last long at work. This recipe is not for the weak. I mean that literally. The stinking thing weighed a little over 7 pounds. Lugging that to work on the train was a trick, but Rockstar deserved it.

Happy Birthday, Jon!! 

Re-Plumbed and Death Threats

A collection of a few random tidbits and stories from the office that made me laugh.

As Jon stood at my cubicle wall chatting, I put in my antibiotic and steroid eye drops that are required for a week after Lasik surgery. This conversation followed:
Me: These eye drops taste so awful!
Jon: Uh, I'm pretty sure that you are supposed to put them in your eye NOT your mouth.
Me: Goober!! I AM putting them in my eyes.
Jon: How does that work? Why are you tasting them?
Me: (pulling my lower eye lid down) This hole here, they drain out of here, down to the back of my nasal cavity and into the back of my mouth where I get to taste them.
Jon: That's so weird.
Me: They put in plugs so I don't know why I taste it so much.
Jon: Yeah, I was going to say something about that, but then I got distracted thinking about all the weird things that are draining into my mouth. (insert scrunched up disgusted face)
Me: What do you think is ending up in your mouth? It's starting out in your eye? What are you putting in your eye that you wouldn't want in your mouth?
Jon: I don't know - it's just gross! AND I'm pretty sure that something is messed up with you and the drops don't actually have any taste. I think you need to get things replumbed, I think it is just YOU that is weird and has your eyes drain into your mouth. (insert repulsed face)
Me: I'll get right on that; it will be my weekend project.

Adam brought fried plantain chips back from his food cart lunch run and offered to share. After offering them to me, and I recognizing what it was in time, quickly pulled my hand back and declined, he went to Jon, saying, "I just tried to kill Jenn by offering her one, but she didn't take it, which means more for you."
Contrary to Jon's non-adventurous taste palette he did try one and commented,
"It doesn't really taste like a nana."
Me: Well, they are a plantain - they don't have a strong bano flavor, just a nana flavor.
Jon: Yeah, I don't know if I've even actually had a plantain either.
Me: They are not for eating plain, they have to be cooked. But they are good with lots of salt.
Jon: Oh, but part of the nanner family... so you're still allergic?
Me: I have not tested the theory but work under the assumption that I am allergic to the whole genre of bananaers. It's not worth dying to find out.

Over the holidays the office was quiet, really quiet, as many of my co-workers took the two weeks that their kids were out of school as vacation. This caused my work to slow down, significantly. As a result, I got a little "pranky." I picked on Jon, recruiting some co-workers, we redecorating his cube, giving it a personal touch which it was still lacking after moving in to this building a year ago. Then Kristi's little owl friend and I started having some adventures around the office, and then downtown, and it even came home with me. But her cubicle had some decorating help from myself and the few co-workers who were around as well. "Put a bird on it!" The Portlandia catch-phrase she enjoys so much was applied to her cube.
She wrote me an email a week ago that said, "You know what they say about payback..." She was basically warning me to be on my guard. So when I saw her at work today, a Friday, a day she normally works from home, and then Jon disappeared for about an hour, I started to get paranoid. I was convinced they were plotting and scheming on how to get back at me. I finally got smart and checked their calendars and found reasonable explanations for their appearance or absence, as the case may be, but that does not mean I am letting my guard down.

And because I'm late in posting once again, here is bonus content from the following Monday. It decided to think about snowing in Portland and the ground was looking extra frosty, but nothing to cause concern. Yet Jon, with all his SoCal snow driving experience, decided to work from home to avoid the snow.
Later in the morning I IM'ed him from my desk at work, at the office, downtown:
Merriam-Webster's word of the day: graupel - granular snow. How appropriate for today. Used in a sentance: "Jon was scared like a little girl to drive in the 2 mm of graupel that was on the ground this morning."
Jon: ha..ha..ha...verrrrry funny.
Me: I thought so.

2012 - Project: {me}

I like to name things. Maybe it is inherent to being human. After all, Adam was given the task of naming all the creatures on earth. I give people nick-names. My cars have all had names, all starting with "z." I named floppy discs after tropical islands I'd like to visit... Tahiti, Kiribati, Fiji. I used to name the years and make a mixed tape (yes, a mixed cassette tape - the pinnacle of teenage self expression of the 80's). The only one I really remember because I went all out and made a great cover to go with it was "Year of the Emu." (I don't remember why I chose an emu, but I do remember the picture.)

So I am reviving an old habit and naming the year, borrowing a title from my favorite reality show. 2012 is the year of "Project: {me}."  I feel very awkward saying that. It seems so vain and selfish and me focused. Well, hello - it has "me" in the title, it is very self-focused. My conservative Christian upbringing is yelling at me that it is very wrong, prideful, and arrogant to be self-focused. But I am starting to learn there needs to be a balance, a healthy self-care in counterpoint to other care. Even Jesus would get away to pray and 'recharge.' And I'm using a lower-case "m" so that it doesn't scream ME, which makes it all okay - right? (The correct answer is, "right-O, Jennie-O!")
Recently, as I talked with my spiritual director about an incident the week before where I had been hurt, we talked about why it stung, the response, ramifications, etc. Then she followed up with this question:

"What is the first commandment of the Bible?"

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind and all your strength. (Mark 12:30) 

"What is the second commandment?"

Love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:31)

"Jennifer, how well are you loving others if you aren't loving yourself? How is serving and always saying "yes" to others to the detriment of yourself an act of love? Loving others out of an empty reservoir is not loving them well."

Well, if you put it that way... 

She did, and it made me think. My thinking has started to shift, I'm realizing that it isn't a bad thing to take care of myself, to stand up for myself, to acknowledge and pursue what I want, to have boundaries and priorities - which may contradict what someone else wants of or for me, but it's okay for me to stand my ground even though it may very well cause conflict (something I typically avoid at all costs, even if the cost is high, and at my expense). I know, I know... this is stuff that most people learn on the playground before their age hits double digits. I'm a late bloomer. But I have stumbled across some good articles to help me find my way, so maybe I'm not alone in my delayed blossoming. The big lesson I need to learn is how to stand up for myself with me, so that I can stand up for myself with others.

I'm still working out what Project: {me} is going to look like. I think there should be a goal for each quadrant that Jesus mentions - an emotional goal (heart), a spiritual goal (soul), a mental goal (mind), and a physical goal (strength).

It is easiest for me to come up with physical goals. I got a pretty good running start in 2011; I lost a chunk of weight and lost over a foot of hair. I stalled out in the fall with all the traveling and the holidays. But I'm not content with where I am at, so more weight will come off, and the hair will likely be going shorter in 2012.  I want to do four 1/2 marathons this year and get my time under 3 hours. Oh, did you hear that? No worries, it was just my toes, screaming for mercy - which they will not be shown. Sorry! The biggest physical change of all will happen this Friday with LASIK surgery - I'm getting my peepers fixed! No more contacts or glasses- HALLELUJAH!!!

Mentally, I want to grow as a writer and photographer, continue to develop my project management skill set by getting my CAPM certificate. Continue to deepen my knowledge of Honduran culture, history and current situation. Also learn more about glue addiction and poverty, and ministry in both contexts. But a girl has gotta have fun - so queue the ukulele! Yes, I am learning the ukulele! Feel very sorry for my neighbors, I'm sure they would appreciate your condolences and gifts of ear plugs.

For the other two areas - heart & soul - it becomes much more difficult to come up with goals that follow my MACdaddy rule - Measurable, Attainable, Challenging (who's your daddy?! booyah!). I can say I need to learn how to stand up for myself, that is challenging, but how to set a goal around that which is also attainable and measurable has me stumped. I have found a few resources that I hope will help. Guiding questions always help me. Yet, how do you make measurable, quantifiable, attainable goals in regards to your relationship with the Almighty Incomprehensible God of the Universe? That's going to be a tricky one.

I have set a goal, to have my goals clarified and written down by the end of January. (I am such a nerd! Who sets goals about goal setting?!) I am pacing myself, starting this week with just getting back on track with healthy eating habits which fled far far away in the presence of mom's fudge, a formidable foe. I do not want to set goals that are going to fall by the wayside like the typical new years resolutions. No way, mine are going to stick, like glitter glue to carpet, like errant red dye from a t-shirt to my load of whites. (On a tangent, any ideas on how to get the dye out? I've tried Oxyclean, Clorox2, RIT dye remover - and still my stuff is pink.)

I would love to have some companions for the journey. What potential does 2012 hold for you? How do you want to grow? How can we encourage one another so that when December 31, 2012 rolls around we can scream "Who's your daddy!?!? Booyah! We did it!"

Resources for the Road
Personal Growth:
30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself
anything over at (in)courage, but here is a place to start Who Do You Think You Are?
Physical Growth:
5 Steps to Hit Your Fitness Goals
3 Keys to Successful Health and Fitness Resolutions
Goal Setting:
20 Questions for Reflecting on Your 2011
5 Steps to Making a New Year's Resolution
And a few prompts that didn't have a link.

If I could choose my life, what would it look like?
What can I do right now to help make that happen?
What is my goal this year?
In One month I will….
In Three months I will…
In Six months I will…
In Nine months I will…
By January of the following year I will…