February is for Heartbreak

February is the month of love. Thanks to that one singular day smack dab in the middle the whole month is flavored with gushy notions of love. Normally I get caught up in the hype, decorate the house, bake treats – but not this year! Nope. February has been a month of heartache and break-ups. It has been a rough month which has wiped me out emotionally. Saying a fond farewell to a long-term relationship was not easy, and there hasn’t been a day yet that I haven’t thought longingly about reuniting. Fantasized, really. I have gone so far as to live vicariously through others – and I must say it isn’t nearly as satisfying. During a snow weekend a few weeks ago I was out for a walk in the freezing cold, enjoying the beautiful white world, when I caught a hint of my forsaken love and it brought me to a full stop. I stood there on the sidewalk, in the snow, breathing deeply to a point of near euphoria. My resolve to end the relationship was worn thin and stretched almost to the breaking point. It was only a sense of social norms that kept me from walking up to the house from which the heavenly scent was coming from and asking for a cup of coffee.

Yes, that’s right. I’m talking about coffee.

Even though I have an obsessive love for that versatile bean, I decided to have a trial separation which started February 1^st. I still long, yearn, and crave coffee.

Every.

Single.

Day.

On February 1^st I started the auto-immune paleo protocol (AIP for short) which eliminates all high inflammation triggers such as coffee, chocolate, dairy, grains, nuts, seeds, eggs, nightshades, etc. It’s challenging, especially since it means I am making food from scratch for every single meal. (Although there is an awesome food cart called “Cultured Caveman” that has delicious food that is “safe” and has become my Friday treat.) It is a good thing I enjoy cooking because these days just about all my spare time is spent in the kitchen. But of all the things I gave up, coffee has been the hardest.

To help ease the transition, I have been making this weird “drink” that is surprisingly tasty. I found the inspiration on Mark’s Daily Apple. But have tweaked it to my own liking. Here is my variation:

Niffer's Warming Tea

Ingredients:

1 Can of whole coconut milk

½ can of water

½ - 1 tablespoon of turmeric

1 thumb size piece of ginger, grated

½ tablespoon of cinnamon

2-4 tablespoons of honey

(Tip: buy fresh ginger, peel it when you get home then stick it in the freezer. When you need ginger for a recipe, grate the frozen ginger using a Microplane grater and you end up with finely ‘shredded’ ginger.)

Directions:

Place everything into a pot and mix well. The turmeric will turn it bright yellow – be careful – turmeric will stain!! Heat on a low simmer for at least a half hour. Pour, and enjoy!

I leave the pot simmering and sip on small mugs of it during the day. Sometimes I add more honey when I need a sweet fix. Other days I add less water and have a more decadent drink. I've also mixed it up without the water and kept in the fridge overnight and make a mug by using the coconut milk mix and boiling water.

It sounds like a weird concoction but I made my mom try it and even she liked it (I’m still working on her to give kombucha and my homemade ginger kraut another try). Really, it’s a super healthy drink – coconut milk is chock full of good stuff, ginger is great for your digestive system, turmeric is a wonder spice that alleviates inflammation and can help fight cancer, cinnamon helps regulate blood sugar and is anti-bacterial, honey is anti-bacterial and soothing. Plus, it has a strong taste and a full mouth feel that mimics my coffee and cream. There are days when I actually crave this drink now. 

While I do hope that my break-up with coffee (and chocolate, and dairy, and nuts... everything that's off limits) isn't forever, for now we are total splitsville. What keeps me going is that I am actually starting to see small improvements. 
Dear Coffee, please just don't say good-bye forever. I miss you horribly. Really it's not you, it's me. I just need some time to heal, but I've never stopped loving you. I hope we can get back together real soon, because breaking up is hard to do.  Much love, Niff  xoxoxoxoxoxo

Five Minute Friday - Small

Five-Minute Friday writing fun-ercise from Lisa-Jo Baker 
Prompt: Small

Today I was scheduled to be at a conference. I’ve attended this conference for the past three years, but this, the fourth year, my enthusiasm is waning. After dropping 'the kid' off at the airport this morning I started making my way through town to get to the location of the conference. I missed the exit from the freeway. I went the wrong way off the second exit. Siri had to guide me to the location. Once there, it was another ten minutes before I found which building I was supposed to be at. But even after I checked in and was sitting in the second (my first) small group session, I wasn’t sure that I had found where I was supposed to be – not really. I listened to stories and struggled with feeling small. Why am I here? My small life isn’t making an impact. Am I willing to abandon my life and move to faraway lands to make a difference? My faith is too small, my vision too small, my selfishness too big.

Perhaps, I am not too small – but rather I have not found where I belong; I have changed and no longer fit, not too small just a different shape.

Note to self - Don’t compare mandarins to grapefruits, and judge yourself small, you’re just different. 

{side note: I left for the lunch break, and just didn't quite make it back. I found a sunny spot at my favorite tea shop and a warm, delicious sweet mug of chai and decided to take care of myself.}

Writing as Shoveling

Five-Minute Friday writing fun-ercise from Lisa-Jo Baker 

Prompt: write

Today is a snow day, a beautiful, white, quiet, work from home, snow day. While cozied up under a blanket, working away, and drinking cup after cup of tea. I could hear a neighbor shoveling and my heart was saddened that someone would want to do away with the snow, blemish it, and toss it aside. Looking out the side window of my front door I saw my neighbor Bob, not only shoveling his driveway but our whole alley way. My annoyance at his dislike of the snow was melted by his generous heart to serve all of us in the building. An hour later I decided to go for a walk, to get fresh air and enjoy the snow first hand. Bob was still out there shoveling. We chatted and I teased him that he was fighting a losing battle; the area where he had started was already blanketed with fresh snow. He knew that it would need to be done again in the morning, but that it would be easier than doing it all at once. And it struck me that writing isn’t so very different than shoveling snow. Sometimes it needs to be broken down into manageable tasks, just when you think an area is done you need to go back and do it again covering the same ground again and again, that it can often be an act of service to others, but also, sometimes, it can wait until morning.

It Could be Worse...

I have a funny fetish. Truth be told, I have a lot of funny fetishes (how many jars of honey do you have?). One of the many is for shirts with thumb holes. Adding over-sized button holes to shirt cuffs and calling them "thumb holes" is pretty much genius in my book. But all too often I have a problem with my beloved thumb ports (that sounds better, doesn't it?); my arms are too long. Now, I don't know with any certainty whether my arms are too long or the sleeves too short, that is up for debate, although I'm placing my bet on it being the shirts problem. Whatever the crux of the problem may be, the result is the same: to use the thumb port, it pulls and pinches the skin between my thumb and index finger to the point of pain, and possibly ripping the shirt. Yesterday while I was running errands a new problem arose from not using the too short thumb ports, they also act as vents for very cold air to shoot up into my sleeve. It really is quite the dilemma.

Yesterday evening as a means of procrastinating and avoiding work, I called my mom and explained my dilemma to her. She responded with a family favorite phrase since childhood thanks to a book of the same name, "Could be worse!" My response:

"You are so right! It could be a whole lot worse. I could only have one shirt, or not clothes at all! I could not have a home to come home to and warm up in. I could be an indentured slave in India working in a quarry who has no hope of a better life. But I do have an education, and options, and have lots of creature comforts. It could be a whole lot worse."

How about that for a little perspectives check? God has been good to me, life is pretty great.

And for those days when the thumb ports don't reach my thumbs, I've got a solution - fingerless gloves! A week before Christmas the gym was having a gift boutique, and on my way out this cozy little gems caught my eye. The gal takes old cashmere sweaters and refashions them into gloves lined in jersey. Because they have been one of the better impulse purchases I have made, I wanted to share her work. Her Etsy shop is called Gasspedals and she is just as darling as her gloves. Although they could be renamed to "thumb port extenders" as they do a marvelous job fixing my problem, there's even photographic evidence. My cousin refers to them as "almost mittens," and that could work too - it's all marketing. 

Sad, cold thumb and vent exposing my limb to the elements.

A happy, cozy hand with the offending vent covered thanks to my Gasspedals 'thumb port extender.' Yay!

Forty & Fear & Favorites & Festivities & Fun & Fabulousness

Two months have passed since I started celebrating, and I still am celebrating. The event causing so much hoop-da-loo was my birthday. Not just any birthday, this year I rolled over into a new decade. I am now officially part of the Forty and Fabulous club.

To be honest the idea scared me. Forty seems old. I can remember when my mom turned forty. How could I be turning this age and still be figuring out life, confused about career direction, filled with questions, wondering what my place is in this crazy world? Yet, there was no denying the year I was born, and no fancy math formula can change the number of years I have been spinning around on this planet. To kick off my month+plus long birthday celebration I decided to do something that scared me more than turning 40 - go ziplining! I talked my mom into going with me to a new course that opened up this last spring at Skamania Lodge. Considering my life-long (yes, all forty years) fear of heights, my parents were highly suspicious that I wouldn't go through with the outing. With steely determination and a stomach filled with a gazillion butterflies, Labor Day morning mom and I joined several others to fly through the trees. And we had an incredibly fun time! I loved it! Yes, I was scared silly, but then I started having so much fun I didn't notice.

The gals at work took me out to lunch on the Thursday before my day. What better way to start a long birthday weekend than with a boozy milkshake at The Original? It was great time - and delicious!

I had the great pleasure of sharing my birthday weekend with the fabulous wedding festivities of Sharon and Manny. The event brought my brother and sister-in-law to town so the whole family was part of the fun. Sharon is an expert event planner, and her wedding was over the top wonderful. Welcome (officially) to the family Manny! (I'll confess, I love photo booths!)

The last birthday party I had was for my 21st; my mom attempted to throw me a surprise party, that wasn't much of a surprise. Since then my birthday has slipped by mostly unnoticed. Actually, my birthday has passed with minor recognition since early childhood. This year though, I didn't want to let the date be just another day, I was not content to be the wallflower once again. With some friendly prodding, Kate encouraged me to throw myself a party. I am so thankful she did! On Saturday a small group of friends gathered at Helser's cafe on Alberta for brunch - my favorite meal, and then we got creative in a glass-fusing class, each making a fall leaf plate. It was such a delightful day. We had a serendipitous moment at the cafe when a regular patron, over-hearing that we were celebrating a birthday, paid the bill for the whole table. He instructed our waitress not to tell us until after he had gone. Sir, whoever you are, thank you for the wonderful blessing!

The weekend was a trifecta of celebrations - my birthday, Sharon & Manny's wedding, and Amy + Chris' 1st anniversary. Sunday mom put her party planning skills to work again, wisely dropping the 'surprise' part this time, and had an open house for Amy + Chris' anniversary since they and many of their friends were in town for the wedding, and for my birthday. It was a weird mash-up of people from so many parts of my life, but an enjoyable afternoon chatting, eating (my one request was for my favorite cupcake - the PMS from Kyra's), and of course laughing. I even got a photo with me and all my 'brothers' (love these goofy guys). That night, one of my favorite TV shows, Foyle's War, had a new episode on PBS, a perfect ending to the weekend.

On Monday, my actual birthday, there was no way I was going to be working. I haven't worked on my actual birthday for four years now, this was not the year to break that trend. Instead, a friend and I headed to my favorite place - Cannon Beach. The first stop was at my favorite coffee shop, Sleepy Monk, where we waited out the last spitty cloud to pass allowing the glorious blue sky and warm sun to make their unexpected appearance. We walked the beach, I played in the waves (and got very wet), ate at the Lumberyard, and had a most enjoyable day.

The celebrations started winding down after that, but a few more outings with friends have peppered the last month. This summer when I thought about my birthday, it brought on anxious trepidation. Now that it has passed, a smile creases my face at the good memories and fun times indulging in so many of my favorite things. All the celebrating has reminded me, my life is rich with wonderful, amazing, loving, beautiful people. And isn't that what life is really about - relationships? Age is just a number, an accumulation of years, but the people that pass those years with you, that is what really matters. Forty years in, and judging by the love that was lavished on me this birthday, life is hunky-dory good.

My Top Paleo Resources

I am by no means well-versed in "paleo-ese" but I'm learning.
It has been suggested that I list some of my top sources for learning this new language and lifestyle, so here it goes...

For the BIG picture and all the ins & outs...
Robb Wolf @ http://robbwolf.com - The Paleo Solution
Loren Cordain @ http://thepaleodiet.com - The Paleo Diet (Revised)
Both of these guys tend to go in-depth with the science, which I geek out about. If you want a more user-friendly introduction to paleo, check out these resources:
Dallas & Melissa Hartwig @ http://whole9life.com - It Starts With Food
Jason Seib @ http://everydaypaleo.com - The Paleo Coach

If you only buy one book - get "The Paleo Coach" by Jason Seib. It has more than enough information to get started, and if you want to dig into more science later, there is time for that. But get the basics, and most importantly, get the mindset right from the start, by reading Jason's book. He rocks. To be honest, I do train at his gym, but I made that decision because I read his book first; I wanted to train with awesomeness.

He offers nutrition seminars about once a month at the gym which are free and open to the public, the next one is Sunday, July 21st at 10am. I am going, if you'd like to join me.

There is paleo, and then there is auto-immune paleo protocol (AIP) which I try to follow, sorta. If you have any sort of auto-immune issue - Crohn's, Rheumatoid, Hashimoto's, lupus, Celiac, rosecea, lichen planus, eczema,  etc. - chances are you'd see great improvement with just the paleo diet, but if you want to take it a step further to really get your immune system back inline, which I do (or I say I do, but actions speak louder, hmm...), here are some of the better resources I have found, although the ones mentioned above all have a section on auto-immunity as well.

Diane Sanfillippo @ Balanced Bites - Practical Paleo
Sarah Ballantyne @ The Paleo Mom - The Paleo Approach
Both of these gals have podcasts with a partner in crime which can be educational and entertaining (and very girl centric - sorry dudes!).
Mickey Trescott a@ http://autoimmune-paleo.com/ has a great cookbook just for AIP.
A couple other AIP blogs...
http://alt-ternativeuniverse.blogspot.com/
http://www.rubiesandradishes.com/
http://www.nutrisclerosis.com/
http://www.phoenixhelix.com/
http://autoimmunefoodie.blogspot.com/

Just like there are different 'twists' on paleo, and what it is or is not, and what is "allowable" - the same is true for AIP, although for the most part all of the above resources agree on the major components. Consider this fair warning that there is no one set, agreed upon, official, protocol.

If you are wanting to have me over for dinner, and wondering "What the 'blank-ity-blank-blank' can I cook for you?" there are lots of resources for recipes online. Some are easier to adapt to AIP,  but if you're cooking for me, and it's at least paleo - I won't even care. (Just remember my extremely bad reaction to mushrooms, bananas, and eggs and we're golden.)
http://chowstalker.com/
http://nomnompaleo.com/
http://www.theclothesmakethegirl.com/
http://everydaypaleo.com/
http://www.primalpalate.com/
http://acleanplate.com/
http://paleoparents.com/
http://www.health-bent.com/
http://thedomesticman.com/
http://paleoista.com/
http://civilizedcavemancooking.com/ A good looking single dude who cooks paleo - curse the age gap...

For more info, resources, and recipes...
If you are friends with me on Facebook - I have an interest list called "Paleo Highlights" which is a feed of all the paleo related people/companies that I follow. On Twitter, I have a tweet list from paleo-files. And my obsession, Pinterest, has a "Pay-lee-O" board.

And some other not-quite-paleo resources that are great places of information...
http://www.dietitiancassie.com/
http://thesmarterscienceofslim.com/
http://www.primalbody-primalmind.com/
http://www.gnolls.org/
http://garytaubes.com/
http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/
http://www.foodrenegade.com/
http://girlmeetsnourishment.com/gmnwordpress1/
http://www.livingthenourishedlife.com/
http://empoweredsustenance.com/

Emerald City Weekend

Seattle may not be home to the Wizard of Oz, but it is the "Emerald City."

While looking out over the city from the 73rd floor of the Columbia Building, both mom and I remarked about how green it was, how many trees softened the lines of the city.

But Seattle has some real gems and this last weekend I was able to enjoy several of them. The backdrop for the weekend was the Rock n' Roll half marathon, which was the perfect opportunity to be a mother-daughter weekend.

We were treated to a coffee date with the adorable Micah. A guy I'm just getting to know, but has been one of my brother's good friends for years. He is quickly becoming another "lil' bro" which makes me happy.

I had a food revelation at Cuoco with  their vegan carrot soup. Seriously. I want to go back to Seattle right now for more of that soup.

Saturday morning I woke to clear blue skies and a bright shining sun, not a shred of clouds left from the night before; perfect race weather! Since I was in corral 41 (and that wasn't even the last corral!) the estimated start time for me was 8:26 am, so I didn't even plan to be up at the start line until 8 am - an hour after the first corral started the race. As I was leaving the hotel, a gentleman looked at me and with a tone of pity asked, "Oh, could you not finish the race?" Panic set in - was I too late?? I quickly responded, "I have an 8 am start time." And then took off as fast as I could in the general direction of where I thought the start line was at the Seattle Center. As I topped the hill of Denny Way, approaching 5th Avenue, there were a stream of runners in front of me, mostly with bib numbers in the 35-38 corral, but low enough that I panicked even more - the waves were going faster than anticipated. I finally found my way to the start line and walked a little ways down and just jumped in a corral. I was warmed up from running to the start. With a few minutes to wait until starting I tried to stretch a little, but in no time I was off and running.

My goal for this race was simply to finish; I haven't been training like I should be for an event of this length. As long as I finished, I could pick up my "heavy medal" - the "Pacific Peaks" medal only available to those who completed the Portland and Seattle Rock n' Roll events. I do like my bling. :) But the only requirement was finishing, there was no need to go all out. But I am me, once on the course that hyper-competitive side comes out. I was keeping a great pace, my splits were looking good for setting a record (or at least matching my best time) - that is until mile 9ish. My second toe on my right foot started cramping and curling under, pulling on my Achilles so that I couldn't run.  It was the strangest sensation. I had to slow up, my pace slipped, ambition had to surrender to wisdom. Regardless, watching my average pace time grow on my watch with each mile split was disheartening. Although slowing down allowed "Dr. Dribble" to catch up with me. Have you heard of him? He is trying to set a record of some sort for doing the most marathons while dribbling two basketballs (or the fastest, or something). I kid you not, look him up. He didn't even stop dribbling at the water station, but had a gal pour water down his gullet all the while dribbling. And I thought I was crazy.

I ended up finishing right about my average time. I still got the Seattle finishers medal, just like the first person across the line; I still got the Pacific Peaks medal. (But dagnabit!! I was doing better!) Aren't they pretty?

Post race I indulged in not one but TWO venti iced coffees from Starbucks. Have I told y'all lately how much I love coffee and miss it horribly? Because I love coffee, in case you were wondering. And it was as delicious as I was anticipating for 13.1 miles. I may just possibly be back on the coffee wagon. We sat outside and ate our lunches from Whole Foods, basking in the glorious weather, and making new friends with Travis and his dog Daisy. With a touch of sunburn, we finally went up to the room which had an enormous soaking tub, perfect for muscles already sore and tightening up.

With an hour to kill before dinner plans, we headed downtown to the Columbia Building which has an observation center on the 73rd floor. Even though clouds and haze obscured the peaks of the Olympic range, the views were really great; it was a fun new adventure.

For dinner we met up with Julie and Rob for a fabulous evening of drinks, chips n' salsa, and conversation. Rob is one of those "lil' brothers" whom I have known since he and my brother became friends their freshman year of high school. He has grown up a lot over the years, but he still calls my mom every Mother's Day which makes him truly a gem in my book. Even though he and Julie have been together for years, and married last year, I haven't had a chance to get to know her, but Saturday evening was a great opportunity and I just adore her. I'm so thankful they made time to visit with us.

Sunday morning we were up and out of the hotel early to get across town to meet another gem of a friend at Starbucks. (More coffee!!! :} ) We blitzed through the highlights of the last year or so getting caught up on each others lives in the one hour before church started. Michelle and I decided to do a walk together sometime soon; I'm looking forward to having her delightful company for the miles - if you know of a good event coming up, let me know.

Church filled my heart with joy, because this church is the blessing of God on precious friends who started it last fall. Darren and Kelly have been through some rough times, and periods of uncertainty where it wasn't clear what God was doing. But He was preparing them and making the way for Imprint Church, where they are thriving and it is obvious God is blessing this work. I just love that family!

With one more Starbucks stop, we started the trek back south. A short detour in Tacoma to the Museum of Glass gave me my Chihuly fix that I missed in Seattle. We didn't go inside, except the gift shop, (and to use the facilities, after all that coffee, you'd need to go too!), but there is enough to see in public spaces to satisfy my art loving side for the time being. Although, I am planning to go back to Seattle this summer to see the Chihuly exhibit at the Seattle Center; who wants to join me?

It was a wonderful weekend, filled with wonderful people who I truly love. But the best of them all is my momma. We stopped in Lake Oswego for dinner at Burgerville and I sat there delaying the end of our quick trip, not wanting to drop her off. I'm so thankful to have such a great friend in her. Watch out San Fran - we are hitting you next - with my Momar as well!! I'm so excited I can hardly wait for October! Now that trip will be epic!

Periodic Status Update

Over a month has passed since the grand auto-immune paleo experiment began, which means it is time for a self-reported check-in.

General paleo compliance -- 94%
Auto-immune paleo compliance -- 83%
(my very scientific & accurate guesstimation)

It is not perfect, but I'm okay with that. The goal is to have a straight 30 days of 100% compliance to the auto-immune protocol at some point soon; it will require more lead time to work up to that. There are a few hurdles to cross that just keep tripping me up. They are named: nuts, paprika, caffeine, and a tiny hurdle the size of Andre the Giant of cocoa powder.

And then there were a few instances that were not paleo, and therefore, obviously not AIP either. Absentee-brain moments. My sweet, thoughtful mother had bought me some groceries after my trip to Washington, D.C. One item was an organic heat & eat beef roast from Trader Joe's. She had made the comment, "It is organic, so I think you can have it." Awww... you think it's hard for me trying to figure out what is on the yes/no list, my poor mother is having a heckuva time! It seemed logical, but it wasn't until I was tossing the packaging into the recycle bin that I noticed soy was listed in the ingredients for the sauce. Dang it! I ate it anyhow. That blasted soy is insidious and is in e v e r y t h i n g. It is really hard to avoid. It is even in tea! TEA!?!?

Giving up coffee has been one of the hardest aspects. Harder than chocolate!! I started drinking more tea (lots more), which I love equally as well, but it just doesn't have that same texture and "kick" that coffee does. I counted down the days to day 31, when I would try reintroducing coffee. Attempting to stack the odds in my favor, I even made cold-brew coffee the day before hoping the lower acidity would help. Just the smell  of it in the house was euphoric. Giddy with excitement in the morning I made my first cup of coffee, and it tasted odd (had I lost my taste for it?). After finishing off the first cup, a fresh cup was made, and drunk. And then, my body told me NO MORE COFFEE!! Oh, coffee... how I love you. Why, WHY won't you love me back???

Even though nuts have sporadically been eaten, I have stayed away from them enough that when I do have them, I notice it - and not in a good way. Once I get more into a groove, and get this whole AIP thing more ingrained, I will eliminate the nuts completely until I can get my gut healed. First, I need to find a substitute for that glove compartment "emergency snack."

Has it been easy? Oh, heavens to Betsy, NO! But does it seem worth it? Yes. One of the hardest aspects was my cocky assumption that I would transition with ease. My logic was that I was mostly paleo already, becoming a little more restrictive wouldn't be so bad, cutting out my occasional indulgences wouldn't have much impact. I read a couple 'what to expect in the first 30 days' kind of blog posts and sort of blew them off with, "So little is changing, I'll probably just skim right over these phases." Reality is the opposite, not only have I gone through the 'slump' stage and the 'I crave everything - even things I wouldn't have normally eaten' stage, but they have lasted at least twice as long as the norm. There is a lot more balancing, tweaking, and experimenting to do until I figure out what my body needs. (And with my luck, right when I figure it out, it will change.)

I was hoping the results would be nearly instantaneous, miraculous even. Although I knew that was far from likely, I'm still a little disappointed it didn't happen. Yet, my main flare spot - my right middle knuckle has calmed down some. When I make a fist, there are four distinct knuckles again instead of one normal and one massive blob. It is going to take time, patience, and persistence in following the course. Other issues are starting to improve as well; my sinus allergies are improving, my energy level is more even, my (ahem!) digestive issues, etc.

Onward, ho!! 

Lab Rat, Table for One!

It was probably around ten years ago now when I sat in the exam room, meeting with my Rheumatologist, discussing options and the effectiveness of the latest drug I was trying, and I asked 'Are there any recommendations for nutritional therapy?' Brusquely she answered, 'Diet doesn't have any impact on the disease.' I tried to explain that I had noticed a correlation between my symptoms and certain foods, which was quickly dismissed. Not long after this incidence the same doctor told me that I needed to go on to a level 3 drug - a biologic modifier - since I had exhausted all of the options in class 1 and 2 with no significant improvement. Considering I had been on a variety of drugs and experienced minimal, if any, benefit, but most of the side-effects, including the really odd and rare ones, I was not eager to start a new medication (Humira being the one pushed) that a frequent side-effect was leukemia.

So doc, you want to put me on a drug that may help alleviate the symptoms of the rheumatoid arthritis, but I also will have a good chance of developing cancer. Yeah, that sounds like a great plan.

I don't think so.      

I never went back to that doctor. Instead, I started seeing a naturopathic doctor. It has been helpful, but it hasn't solved the problem. While experimenting with different supplements over the past 8 or so years, I have also learned a great deal. One thing I have become convinced of: I can 'cure' myself of the rheumatoid arthritis, an auto-immune disease, through nutrition. God made our bodies incredibly intricate, and with an innate ability to heal - if we give it the proper building blocks. Yet, knowing this and implementing it is a different story; it can be very confusing to know exactly what is the proper nutrition for healing. There is a lot of information out there on the interwebs, a lot of conflicting information.  I'm sort of a weirdo in that I really enjoy researching nutrition and health issues. The list of blogs that I regularly read, the books highlighted and lining my shelves, the food based documentaries watched, the podcasts I listen to while commuting should be worthy of a degree in nutrition. Seriously. But all the information can lead to info-paralysis, a state I know all too well.

Two years ago I was stuck in a vicious cycle. The RA raised my systemic inflammation, which told my body to store fat, which raised my inflammation, which aggravated the RA, which raised my systemic inflammation, and around and around it went. Around the time I realized that something had to be done about the excess fat I was carrying if I ever hoped to get the RA under control, several friends were losing weight. Polling each of them about how they were doing it, I got the same answer: Take Shape for Life. So I jumped on the bandwagon. And it worked, for about six months and 50 pounds. Then I went to Honduras for a week, and then Czech Republic for two weeks. It was a huge struggle to get back on track that I couldn't quite master for more than a month at a time, and even during those month sprints the scale wouldn't budge like it had before. Part of this is because I started training hard and exercising too much for the program. Another part was that all of the program's foods contained at least one or multiple ingredients that I knew I reacted to badly. I have my theories about why it didn't bother me at first, but then started being a problem, but I won't bore you that much. And the stress component fought me too.

While thinking of New Year's Resolutions this past January, I asked myself the question - 'If I were at a healthy weight and didn't need to eat weird packaged powdered food-like substances, how would I want to eat for my best health?' From my research, it was pretty easy to describe what seemed to be the best way of eating, but I wanted to drop more weight before starting to eat that way. Making wholesale changes at once is overwhelming, and often not lasting, so I made a plan to adopt one change a month towards my ideal while sticking to the Take Shape program to lose the weight. Good plan, right? And it has been (except the weight loss part-that wasn't happening).

Three weeks ago I was working on my Bible study while eating breakfast before work and my knuckle was so painful and swollen that I could hardly hold a pen to write my answers. That was my breaking point. No more lying to myself, my RA was not under control, the flare-ups were too frequent, a new hot spot had developed in the last six months. In addition, auto-immune begets auto-immune, and the last time I had my thyroid checked the results had some suspicious numbers pointing to the beginnings of Hashimoto's disease, and this last winter I started having symptoms of Reynaud's disease. This is not okay.

It is time to make some changes. Time to make my health - and regaining great health - a priority. Top priority. What does that mean? No more incremental changes. I'm jumping in cannon ball style into the paleo lifestyle pool. But not just any ordinary variation of it, I'm going to follow the auto-immune paleo protocol. And let me tell you, it is going to be TOUGH. My month-by-month resolutions were leading me to a paleo lifestyle already and by March I had almost given up all sugar (my vice is Endangered Species Black Panther 88% dark chocolate bar), ditched all dairy - even cheese which I doubted I could do, and every grain & legume - including soy. And I was feeling much better. Then I went on vacation last week and after the race tossed all my good eating habits out the window - and suffered.  The auto-immune variety of paleo cuts out all nightshade plants and their derivatives: tomatoes, tomato paste, eggplant, peppers, paprika, chili powder, etc. Pretty much all of the main-stays of my cooking. Brutal. Oh, did I mention that it suggests (mandates) avoiding coffee? Shoot me now. Is this going to be the magic bullet? I don't know. This is all experimentation. But if the anecdotal results others have shared can be even partially true for me, it is worth it. Feeling good is better than coffee, right? RIGHT??!!??

I can do it.
I know I can.
Because I am Streger Strong!
We don't quit, we persevere!

But prayers are very much appreciated.
No coffee. {whimper} 

2012 Stregerlady Annual Report

Hello. How are you?
It has been awhile. A L O N G while.
I needed to take a break from writing. Life took a bit of a turn last spring, and I just couldn't write.
But lately, there has been an urge, a longing, desire to string words together to make sentences and then into stories to share with whomever stumbles over here.

For some reason, I set up this hurdle that I needed to post a 'year in review' of 2012 before anything else. Over a full quarter of the way into 2013 and the "2012 Stregerlady Annual Report" is going live, which means maybe - just maybe - new posts might start appearing here again. (It also means that I need to update you on the first part of 2013 as well.) So with no further ado, here are the highlights from last year.

2012 Stregerlady Annual Report
January – New year & new peepers gave me a new outlook. Lasik surgery took my vision from 20/1500+ to 20/40 – truly amazing! A medical marvel. I participated in the global virtual Nike women’s half-marathon. 13.1 miles on the treadmill at the gym was tedious, but the finisher’s bling was well worth it!

February – My friend Lisa and I, we’re a couple of heartbreakers when we did the Heartbreaker race for Valentine’s Day. The Justice conference was held in Portland where I represented The Micah Project, and a special Honduran came up for the event to help me staff the booth. One of the best days of the year was taking Marvin up to Mt. Hood to play in the snow, making his long-time dream of making a snow angel come true.

March – Life started getting… interesting... in spring. I began to fall down Alice’s rabbit hole; up is down, down is up. My spiritual director says growth is the great “un-ing” and lots of “un-ing” started happening, leaving me feel like I was (am) being tumbled in a series of waves. Mom and I went to see Wicked, which became my 2nd favorite musical ever. The month also included a quick trip to Denver, Colorado to be part of a Bridal Shower for my (then) soon to be sister-in-law, Amy. (That's her below, on my left.)

     
April – With a desire to be more graceful and add a few legitimate moves to my "dancing," I started an adult ballet class! I attended three whole classes before I landed from a jump weird and totally tweaked my Achilles  which took ages to heal - and had to quit. At work, my huge team of three went for a team building lunch to Andina, a restaurant in the Pearl District, and quite possibly the best meal I've ever eaten in my life! Seriously. Good. Food.

May – At the beginning of the year I set a goal for myself to walk/jog a half marathon in under 3 hours. Four and a half months into the year and I met my goal with the Rock n’ Roll Portland - my best half marathon time to date. I just about puked and passed out in the finisher's corral, but I did it!

Yes, I'm cheap and didn't pay for my photo.
And, yes, it was raining - I don't sweat that much.

Streger family photo at Rob & Julie's wedding.

June – Over the years a few of my brother's friends have become pseudo-siblings. I call them ‘little brothers’ (as opposed to "baby brother" which is reserved for my brother-brother. Got it?) One of my 'little brothers,' Rob, married the lovely Julie "super long name" in June. Thankfully, she took Rob's last name so now I can pronounce her full name. (Just don't ask me what her maiden name is!)

July – A good month for a little stay-cation which I desperately needed. Work had been crazy busy and I needed to get away, even if it meant still answering email every day of my vacation. I visited my cousin in Bend for a few days. I also re-learned how to kayak, which was a blast.

If I found the rabbit hole in March, by July I had fallen down, drunk the potion, and entered a confusing world. I decided to not pursue joining the staff of the Micah Project in Honduras after being fully focused on that path for the past two years. A decision that is scary and sad in turn, and completely unsettling. It feels as though the rug was pulled out from underneath me, but I trust that God is in control and am certain He was not opening the doors for that opportunity at this time.

August – With the summer heat, my running heated up as well and I ran the “Every Girl” 5k and recorded a personal best. I decided to conquer my fear of white water rafting and used a Groupon for a trip down the Deschutes River and ended up going on the exact same stretch that had caused the fear 20+ years earlier (completely coincidental)! Not only did I survive, I had fun! It must have been a water adventure kind of summer, because I also tried stand-up paddleboarding (SUP). It had looked like so much fun and I love being on the water. I recruited a friend to do an intro class with me, much less intimidating that way. While not easy, it was a lot of fun and Julie and I enjoyed ourselves.

   

Probably the biggest event of the year...
The snow loving Honduran came back to Portland - TO LIVE!! That's right, the Micah Project decided to send Marvin to Portland to attend school. He is living with a host family in Lake Oswego, going through the English intensive program at Portland Community College, and loving life in the Pacific Northwest. Most Wednesday nights he comes over to "mama jenn's" for family dinner.
September – Best.Wedding.EVER!!! My beloved baby brother got MARRIED!! (MARRIED!!! Chris?!?! A husband!?!? WEIRD!!) Until a couple years ago, I was doubtful that he would ever get married, but then... then he started dating Amy. And on the 15th they were married in Colorado on a perfect day. I now have a sister!!!!

 

I came home and did my first mud run – the 5k Kiss Me Dirty women only event. After eyeing various obstacle runs and wanting to try my mettle, but lacking the confidence in my ability to survive one, I took the risk to attempt one when I came across a deal to volunteer at registration in exchange for the entry fee; I just went for it and triumphed. Although watching Lisa literally wallow in the mud, which was completely unexpected, may have been the best part of the race. The next weekend was the 5k Color Run which of course required a tutu. In between the fun runs I celebrated 3 years post-surgery on my back and am loving the ability to walk and run and generally be active. (Bet you couldn't have guessed that one, huh?!)
         
October – Portland half marathon done with a cranky left Achilles (still! that darn ballet class) and a sprained right ankle and a sour stomach. I really am that competitive with myself - or persistent, determined, focused - or maybe out of my mind.

November – After debating colors for months and months, the dining nook finally took on a new shade of blue. It's lovely and I'm much calmer now that I'm not seeing red. To my delight, I gained a new roommate while she finishes support raising.
December –One last race for the year, the Jingle Bell 5k, which I always do as it supports the Arthritis Foundation. My time improved, even holding my red nose the whole time; I didn't think about how hard it would be to breathe with it on. Christmas festivities have a new perspective when experienced with someone seeing it for the first time. I always love all the twinkle lights and decorations in December. Amy and Chris came the day after Christmas for a few days, which meant we got to celebrate Christmas all week long!

MJ and I check out the big tree at Pioneer Courthouse Square

   A very good year overall.

2013 Prospectus - the events I'm anticipating this year
January – in the books. How did that happen?? 3 Blazer games – 2 with mom, 1 with MJ. A huge department reorganization at work meant I switched teams and joined the Test Publishing team and am now part of a team of 5 others; I'm no longer a lone wolf - I have co-workers to cross-train and share the workload with, a very good thing for my sanity. But sadly, it also means that Jon and I are no longer on the same team; the dynamic duo has been split-up. I'm still in mourning.
February – start training. Despite the enormous improvement in my eyesight thanks to LASIK last January,  I am once again with glasses. Originally meant for just night driving, my spectacles are handy driving at any time of day. And in theaters. At work. At church. At concerts. The big difference in comparison to the last 30ish years, I can get by without my glasses now and be okay, just a little hazy - not blind.

March – kick the training into gear and give it a test with the Hop Hop 5k. I got to wear bunny ears! (I was also kinda sick, my judgement may have been impaired.)


April – National capital, here I come!! I'm meeting up with my friend Courtney from Texas to do the Nike Women's Marathon (half) in Washington, D.C. I'm not ready, but there will be a blue Tiffany box at the finish line with a specially designed finishers charm. Nothing is keeping me from that blue box!
Sadly, my roommate has moved out as of today. I knew from the get-go it was a short-term stop-gap solution, but I'm bummed to see Maureen leave; she has been so wonderful to have around.
May – Rock n’ Roll Portland for the 2nd year.
June – Rock n’ Roll Seattle – going for the Pacific Peaks medal.
July – Flat Half because I’m crazy enough to think I can do one half marathon a month.
August – Cascade relay race. Okay, not quite a half-marathon, but close.
September – possible trip to NYC to visit Amy + Chris for US Open. Sharon (a 'little sister') and Manny are tying the knot. I enter the fabulous forties! (meltdown and denial to ensue shortly.) No race planned... yet.
October – Rock n’ Roll San Jose – because they give you a super cool “Triple Crown” medal if you do three RnR events in one calendar year. I won a "Pass the Lottery" ticket to the NWM San Francisco so I'm planning on going back down for that race as well. It's better than Wonka's Golden ticket, better than a "Pass Jail" card in Monopoly - how could I not take advantage of it?
November – I'm hoping to make it down to the Micah Project in Honduras for graduation. It will have been two years since I was there last; far, far too long. While I'm no longer pursuing being on staff, I still plan to support and participate in the ministry.
December – My favorite time of the year! I'll be doing the Jingle Bell run for Arthritis again, with my Rudolph nose and antlers - come do it with me!

Wow! You reached the end. You deserve a special treat - a virtual pat on the back from me.
Thank you for stopping by, and hopefully there will be more reason (and more interesting reasons) to stop by in the near future. Tell me, what are you looking forward to in 2013?

Cheers! Niff

FMF: Race

The doctor taped up my right ankle, pink and green, and I thought somehow he knew that would make me happy and please my preppy aesthetic. Later that day I taped up my left ankle with more pink tape. I continued to prepare for race day despite the agonizing pain in my stomach. Stupid ulcer. I didn't know how I'd complete 13.1 miles of the Portland half marathon in the morning, but to get the goodies I had to finish the race. It was completely foolish; my stubborn pride would not allow me to quit. I refuse to let my body keep me from doing what I want, living my life. I felt fine in the morning, and all during the race. Frequently, internally saying, "Take that you stupid ulcer! You can't keep me down!"
I finished the race.
Improved my time even.
And, I got the goodies - a pretty finishers medal, coin, pendant, and a not so pretty finishers shirt.

But I wonder, where is that same tenacity for my spiritual life? The determination to overcome the obstacles and hurdles? The perseverance to log the long hours training and building the foundation? Is my focus on the finish line, my goal on the best goodies - to hear "well done, my good and faithful servant?"

Which race am I running? Which one really matters?

{This post is part of Lisa-Jo Baker's Five Minute Friday's}

Ladies Night Gets Hot Under the Collar!

We were headed to Bend for the weekend which, in my opinion, necessitates a stop in Sisters for refreshments after coming over the mountains. My mother sat across from me at the picnic table behind the Sno-Cap diner, watching me as I took my first bite of a jalapeno pepper jack cheeseburger. She just watched as I enjoyed that first bite, which is always the best, and let out a sigh of delight. Her own burger waiting in her hands while all her attention was on me. After a moment to chew she asked if it was good. I gave an enthusiastic "mmm-hmmm!!" while my mouth burned with delight. "Is it spicy?" she asked. "Oh, yeah!" I replied as I wiped my nose on the back of my hand, it already running from the heat of the peppers. "I have NO idea where you came from!" mom offered back, sounding dumbfounded. We laughed at the oddity that I am in the family, the only one who likes spicy food among a bunch of milquetoast eaters. For crying out loud, my dad thinks garlic is too spicy! Garlic! It doesn't even have any heat! I am happy being the anomaly in the family, adding hot sauce, cayenne, and peppers to my food freely and liberally. I finished my cheeseburger, slowly, frequently stopping to let the fire die down enough so that I could actually taste it again, and to dab away the tears that would well up in my eyes, or wipe away the snot that threatened to run down my upper lip. That was one good burger!

I don't know what my body is trying to tell me, but this summer has been the season of jalapeno cravings. And I do mean crave! That's weird, right? I think so. I have been coming up with some creative ways to add the green heat to different dishes, but one tops it all - jalapeno popper dip!

I tried it out for the first time for ladies night several weeks ago. On a balmy Saturday evening a group of us gathered at Katie's house for food, conversation, laughter, and friendship. For the most part we were all friends in high school. Although they have maintained the relationships over the years, I am just recently re-forging these friendships - much to my delight. I was thrilled when I was invited to girl's night, my awkward self-conscious inner teenager was amazed that I was being included into the inner circle with the cool kids. This meant I needed to impress them with my culinary contribution to the Mexican themed dinner; I wanted to prove my value and worth to the evening's offerings with hopes of being invited again. This seemed like a perfect occasion to try out the recipe that I had recently pinned and hadn't stopped thinking about.

While it was a big hit and was very tasty, I felt it missed the mark. It tasted like a really good spicy queso dip, but not a dip reminiscent of jalapeno poppers. Of course I didn't follow the recipe exactly - that just isn't in my nature. Instead of the fresh and canned jalapeno, I substituted diced roasted jalapenos. Oh, and I used Trader Joe's Extra Extra New York Sharp Cheddar and Black Pepper Crusted Parmesan. One last tweak - since Traders doesn't carry fat free cream cheese, I used light. But I made up for this by using Fage 0% Greek yogurt. Oh... and, forget the bread crumbs.
Here is the original recipe: Jalapeno Popper Dip

Since then I have been experimenting with the recipe and have come up with something that I really like, that truly is reminiscent of a jalapeno popper! I can't stop eating the stuff! I still have a little refinement to work out, I'm not totally happy with the consistency as it has to be fairly hot for it to be dip-able. But at room temperature or cold, it is solid enough to use as a spread, which has its advantages as well (think sandwiches).

Here is my version:
Jenn's Jalapeno Poppin' Dip
Ingredients:

• 1 block (8 ounces) of light cream cheese
• 1 cup of Greek yogurt (I prefer Fage brand)
• 1 cup of sharp cheddar (Tillamook's Vintage White Sharp Cheddar is especially good)
• 2 (or more) roasted jalapenos, finely diced - ribs and seeds removed, if any of the skin is extra black you may want to remove that as well. 
• 1/2 - 1 teaspoon of salt
• 1/4 teaspoon of cumin
• 1/4 teaspoon of chili powder
• 1/4 teaspoon of cracked black pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon of sugar

Directions: 

Dump everything into a saucepan over low-med heat and stir frequently until the cheddar is melted. Done. Yes, it really is that easy. 

I used a stick blender with just some of the yogurt and jalapeno to make a paste so that the jalapeno would be more evenly distributed. A sprinkle of some bacon crumbles on top would be a nice touch too. Let it sit for a day and the heat and flavor will develop more robustly. 

Transfer to a serving bowl and set it out with tortilla chips, red bell pepper strips, cucumber sticks, or Jenn style - with a big spoon. Or spread it in a tortilla and add some chicken, tomatoes, spinach, and black olives for a tasty wrap.

ENJOY!!

(And invite me over when you make a batch!)

Brownies, you're the BOMB!

I don't need much of an excuse to bake.

Any of these reasons would do:

• Mr. Cranky-Pants birthday
• Kristi's birthday
• Lindsay's birthday
• Mr. Cranky-Pants visit to Portland (and he insists that I bake him something every. single. time. he visits.)
• and because of this...

Trader Joe's is now selling crack, er... Speculoos Cookie Butter. 

Since all of the above reasons happened within two weeks time, it wasn't just a good excuse to bake, it was a necessity - and it needed to be over the top good. I have been holding on to this recipe, waiting for a good time to pull it out and drop this sugar bomb. This was it!

A gal at Bible study bought these one week and they were unreal! I'm not sure what she called them, but I have dubbed them "Brownie Bombs" because they are deceptively heavy and fall with a thud, because they cause an explosion on your taste buds, and it feels like a bomb went off in your belly after eating one. A very tasty sugary bomb. 

Start with these essentials:

Okay, those who know me, will understand that I tend to tinker and rarely follow a recipe exactly as written. It's that rebellious spirit in me. So let me state up-front that it would be easier to buy a box brownie mix and fix it according to the package directions. And the original ones I based this on used creamy peanut butter instead of Cookie Butter. But, c'mon! Why? WHY? Why would you use peanut butter when God created Cookie Butter?!?!

Ingredients:

Brownies:

1 box of chocolate flavored cake mix (such as Devil's Food Cake, Dark Chocolate, etc.)

2 eggs

1 stick of butter (1/2 cup), very soft

1/4 cup of dark brown sugar

1/4 unsweetened cocoa powder

1/2 cup of water

2 teaspoons of vanilla extract

1/2 teaspoon of sea salt

Also needed...

- 1 1/2 boxes of chocolate sandwich cookies (I recommend Trader Joe's Joe-Joe's, or Whole Foods 365 sandwich cremes, but not the national brand that comes in the blue box.)

-1 jar of Speculoos Cookie Butter (or peanut butter, but not the natural kind like Adam's brand)

Optional toppings...

Trader Joe's "Way More Chocolate Chips Cookies"

Ganache:

8 ounces of semi-sweet chocolate

1/2 cup of heavy cream

1/2 packet of Starbucks Via instant coffee powder

Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 350°

Add the cake mix and butter to an electric stand mixer (or a large bowl and use a hand mixer) and combine slightly, add in all of the remaining ingredients and mix for a couple minutes. It will be a very thick batter. Because of the fluffy thickness, again, it may be easier to mix up a regular brownie mix that is a bit runnier. But, I made a couple just brownie cupcakes (because I ran out of cookie butter. GASP! The horror!!) and they were pretty much the best brownie I've had in a long time. Just make the cake mix brownie batter. And if you are wondering why I made brownies using a cake mix, well... I'm trying to use up my stash of unhealthy food and get it out of my house. 

Set the brownie batter aside.

Next

Take two (yes, 2. 1,2, do-si-dos) of the sandwich cookies. Smear one with a big dollop of cookie butter and sandwich it together with the second cookie. Like this...

YUMMY!!

Drop this into a cupcake liner in a muffin pan.

An alternative, if you are not using the nasty chemical blue box kind, is to twist a sandwich cookie apart and spread the inside with cookie butter and only use the one cookie. I tried lots of variations. Several variations on cookie to butter ratio, and methods of application, and various baking times. Each batch looked a little different.

Now...

Cover each cookie with brownie batter. One of the variations I tried was putting a scoop of brownie batter into the cup and pushed the cookie sandwich down into it - that didn't work quite as well. If it had been regular (read, runny) brownie batter, it might have been better. I was trying to get the brownie to encase the sandwich better. If you find a way that works, let me know.

Bake for somewhere between 18-24 minutes. (Sorry, you'll have to figure it out exactly.) 

While the brownie bombs are cooling, mix up the ganache by adding all the ingredients into a microwave safe bowl or to a double boiler. In the microwave, heat in 20 second increments, stirring in-between until it is smooth. Spread a spoonful of the ganache on top of the cupcake and top with a "Way More Chocolate Chips Cookie." 

You'll end up with this...

It is very nice!!

Wondering what it looks like on the inside? Are you prepared for this? These really are the bomb-diggity-dot-com best brownies.

Oh, yeah! You can thank me now - and later.