Today I was scheduled to be at a conference. I’ve attended
this conference for the past three years, but this, the fourth year, my enthusiasm
is waning. After dropping 'the kid' off at the airport this morning I started making my way
through town to get to the location of the conference. I missed the exit from
the freeway. I went the wrong way off the second exit. Siri had to guide me to
the location. Once there, it was another ten minutes before I found which
building I was supposed to be at. But even after I checked in and was sitting
in the second (my first) small group session, I wasn’t sure that I had found
where I was supposed to be – not really. I listened to stories and struggled
with feeling small. Why am I here? My small life isn’t making an impact. Am I
willing to abandon my life and move to faraway lands to make a difference? My
faith is too small, my vision too small, my selfishness too big.
Perhaps, I am not too small – but rather I have not found
where I belong; I have changed and no longer fit, not too small just a
different shape.
Note to self - Don’t compare mandarins to grapefruits, and judge
yourself small, you’re just different.
{side note: I left for the lunch break, and just didn't quite make it back. I found a sunny spot at my favorite tea shop and a warm, delicious sweet mug of chai and decided to take care of myself.}
{side note: I left for the lunch break, and just didn't quite make it back. I found a sunny spot at my favorite tea shop and a warm, delicious sweet mug of chai and decided to take care of myself.}