26 January 2012

Re-Plumbed and Death Threats

A collection of a few random tidbits and stories from the office that made me laugh.

As Jon stood at my cubicle wall chatting, I put in my antibiotic and steroid eye drops that are required for a week after Lasik surgery. This conversation followed:
Me: These eye drops taste so awful!
Jon: Uh, I'm pretty sure that you are supposed to put them in your eye NOT your mouth.
Me: Goober!! I AM putting them in my eyes.
Jon: How does that work? Why are you tasting them?
Me: (pulling my lower eye lid down) This hole here, they drain out of here, down to the back of my nasal cavity and into the back of my mouth where I get to taste them.
Jon: That's so weird.
Me: They put in plugs so I don't know why I taste it so much.
Jon: Yeah, I was going to say something about that, but then I got distracted thinking about all the weird things that are draining into my mouth. (insert scrunched up disgusted face)
Me: What do you think is ending up in your mouth? It's starting out in your eye? What are you putting in your eye that you wouldn't want in your mouth?
Jon: I don't know - it's just gross! AND I'm pretty sure that something is messed up with you and the drops don't actually have any taste. I think you need to get things replumbed, I think it is just YOU that is weird and has your eyes drain into your mouth. (insert repulsed face)
Me: I'll get right on that; it will be my weekend project.

Adam brought fried plantain chips back from his food cart lunch run and offered to share. After offering them to me, and I recognizing what it was in time, quickly pulled my hand back and declined, he went to Jon, saying, "I just tried to kill Jenn by offering her one, but she didn't take it, which means more for you."
Contrary to Jon's non-adventurous taste palette he did try one and commented,
"It doesn't really taste like a nana."
Me: Well, they are a plantain - they don't have a strong bano flavor, just a nana flavor.
Jon: Yeah, I don't know if I've even actually had a plantain either.
Me: They are not for eating plain, they have to be cooked. But they are good with lots of salt.
Jon: Oh, but part of the nanner family... so you're still allergic?
Me: I have not tested the theory but work under the assumption that I am allergic to the whole genre of bananaers. It's not worth dying to find out.

Over the holidays the office was quiet, really quiet, as many of my co-workers took the two weeks that their kids were out of school as vacation. This caused my work to slow down, significantly. As a result, I got a little "pranky." I picked on Jon, recruiting some co-workers, we redecorating his cube, giving it a personal touch which it was still lacking after moving in to this building a year ago. Then Kristi's little owl friend and I started having some adventures around the office, and then downtown, and it even came home with me. But her cubicle had some decorating help from myself and the few co-workers who were around as well. "Put a bird on it!" The Portlandia catch-phrase she enjoys so much was applied to her cube.
She wrote me an email a week ago that said, "You know what they say about payback..." She was basically warning me to be on my guard. So when I saw her at work today, a Friday, a day she normally works from home, and then Jon disappeared for about an hour, I started to get paranoid. I was convinced they were plotting and scheming on how to get back at me. I finally got smart and checked their calendars and found reasonable explanations for their appearance or absence, as the case may be, but that does not mean I am letting my guard down.

And because I'm late in posting once again, here is bonus content from the following Monday. It decided to think about snowing in Portland and the ground was looking extra frosty, but nothing to cause concern. Yet Jon, with all his SoCal snow driving experience, decided to work from home to avoid the snow.
Later in the morning I IM'ed him from my desk at work, at the office, downtown:
Merriam-Webster's word of the day: graupel - granular snow. How appropriate for today. Used in a sentance: "Jon was scared like a little girl to drive in the 2 mm of graupel that was on the ground this morning."
Jon: ha..ha..ha...verrrrry funny.
Me: I thought so.

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