05 October 2011

The Coffee Drinker Who Doesn't Like Coffee

We stood on either side of the condiment bar at Starbucks, doctoring up our cups of coffee. "Jenn, would you pass me some sugar?" I looked at my side of the bar and noticed there wasn't any of the Sugar in the Raw packets, but then saw them on top. I pointed to the canister that was closer to him, "It's right here." "No. Not that kind of sugar, the normal kind." I look down at the cubbies again and see three packets of "normal" white sugar. I dig one out and hand it to him. Jon just stares at me. "That's it? Can I have another one please?" "How much sugar do you need?" He had already put one of the "Raw" sugars into his coffee. "I need a lot, okay!?" I hand him one more sugar. His head tilts, an exaggerated sigh escapes, and his hand is still held out in front of me. I pass him the last sugar packet. "That is going to be so sweet!" "It has to be really sweet for me to drink it. I don't really like coffee." "What!?!?" I'm completely shocked and perplexed, we go to coffee fairly often, and I'm just learning this about him. "I like that it is hot." "Why don't you drink tea then?" "It leaves a funny taste in my mouth?" "How about hot cocoa, then?" His face scrunches up, "That would just be weird!"  I didn't even attempt to understand that last statement. There is no accounting for or understanding Jon and his drinking preferences.

As we were walking to Starbucks we passed a MAX stop that had an alert posted: "Due to "Occupy Portland" some services may be interrupted or take longer than normal." I mentioned it to Jon, wondering if he knew what "Occupy Portland" was. I had heard it mentioned on the news, but didn't have any details. He hadn't even heard of it. This afternoon we received an email from Office Operations warning us about "Occupy Portland" - a protest and march event planned for Thursday.  Jon and I started chatting via Communicator.
Jon: We should join them!
Jenn: OH! That is BRILLIANT! Let's do it!
Jon: We can just yell catchphrases like... Yes we can!
Up with hope, down with dope!
umm, what are some other ones?
Dude, you're getting a Dell! That'd be a fun one to yell.
Jenn: hahahaha!! Hell no! We won't go! - that's a classic
Jon: hmmm, I don't know if that'll work when the mob will be marching somewhere...but it would be funny to chant that while you're walking away from a location
Jenn: Okay, maybe not.
Jon: I can't believe it's not butter!
Jenn: That would be HILARIOUS!!!!!
*At this point I was lost in hysterics made worse by trying not to laugh too loud, which just made me start crying with loud staccato bursts of laughter.
Jenn: I have a whole Will Ferrel (in Old School) scene going on in my head with that last one.
Jon: hahahah, we're going streaking through the park...bring your green hat.
*After this I totally lost composure. Even writing it now I am snickering at the thought of Will Ferrel running through Portland, through the protesting crowd with just a green hat, yelling "I can't believe it's not butter!"

This morning I had to park on the street as the office parking was full. In response we had this conversation first thing this morning:
Jon: I was just talking to SAA about how she rides her bike to work now...maybe you should start doing that! Then you wouldn't have to worry about parking!
Jenn: I would have to buy a bike.
A helmet.
A bell.
That's too much investment.
Jon: Ha, it's funny that those are your first concerns...I would think living so far away would be on of the first!

And one last bonus courtesy of Jon. He shared this link with me today. I was frightened and intrigued all at the same time. We decided I should get a pet hyena to keep me safe in Honduras.

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